Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Dress codes decoded via Kate, Jordan, Rihanna and more

Helen, Kate and Katie
Helen and Kate
Why are you wearing that? Because it was clean? Or suited the weather? Or you just fancied it?

Wrong, wrong and wrong again.

In fact Dr Jennifer Baumgartner, author of You Are What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You, our outfits reveal our deepest, darkest secrets. And they say fashion isn’t deep!

The proof of the pudding is, of course, in the seeing if it applies to celebrities… so let’s look at what a few get-ups are meant to mean, and what they actually mean.

Without being mean, obviously. Much.

BOOK SAYS: Too much cleavage says you are power hungry and controlling.

KATIE... IN PRACTICE: “Buy. My. Stuff.”

HELEN... IN PRACTICE: “Please don’t stop taking my photo just because I’m not a star in Coronation Street these days.”

Katie Price and Helen Flanagan
Katie Price and Helen Flanagan

BOOK SAYS: Over-the-top jewellery implies you are insecure and may have financial difficulties.

GAGA... IN PRACTICE: “Anyone can sing and dance but to sing and dance in this hat makes me a true artist.

BOOK SAYS: A young girl who chooses a short skirt could be seen as an attention seeker.

RIHANNA... IN PRACTICE: “Like, DUH. Look at my bra top and suspenders – you think they might be clues?”

AMY... IN PRACTICE: “Shuuuut uuuup! You’re well jel.” etc.

BOOK SAYS: An older woman in a short skirt can’t accept that she’s now a grown-up.

MADONNA... IN PRACTICE: Mutton dressed as rabbit, forget about the lamb.

CAROLE... IN PRACTICE: “Look at my legs! Remind you of anyone? YES, SHE GOT THEM FROM ME!”

BOOK SAYS: If you find yourself in jeans and trainers, you may be overly identifying with motherhood and suppressing other parts of yourself out of guilt or exhaustion.

SAMCAM... IN PRACTICE: “I’m just a normal mum on the school run! Like me! Please like me!”

BOOK SAYS: Women who button up their clothes are actually telling their boss that femininity means weakness, and not power.

KEIRA... IN PRACTICE: “If I cover myself up maybe people will stop talking about how worryingly thin I am and focus on my truly incredible acting talent at long last.”

KATE... IN PRACTICE: “This looks regal, right?”

News by Mirror

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